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You searched for quotes about Funny

280 results found

  •  
    Steve Martin

    A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

  •  
    Mel Brooks

    Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.

  •  
    Saint Augustine

    O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.

  •  
    Woody Allen

    I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

  •  
    Jerry Seinfeld

    Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.

  •  
    Steven Wright

    I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

  •  
    Milton Berle

    A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.

  •  
    Claude Pepper

    A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, "At my age, I don't even buy green bananas."

  •  
    Albert Einstein

    If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.

  •  
    Calvin Coolidge

    I have never been hurt by what I have not said.

  •  
    Spike Milligan

    How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

  •  
    Mel Brooks

    If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.

  •  
    George Carlin

    In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

  •  
    Ronald Reagan

    Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement.

  •  
    Ellen DeGeneres

    I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut.

  •  
    Bill Cosby

    A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

  •  
    E. B. White

    Be obscure clearly.

  •  
    James Thurber

    Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?

  •  
    William Lyon Phelps

    If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.

  •  
    Bertrand Russell

    I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

  •  
    George Burns

    I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

  •  
    Rita Rudner

    I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

  •  
    Jerry Seinfeld

    It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

  •  
    Bill Cosby

    Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

  •  
    Robert Benchley

    I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.

  •  
    Henny Youngman

    If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

  •  
    Jerry Lewis

    Every man's dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands.

  •  
    Bill Maher

    Men are only as loyal as their options.

  •  
    Dave Barry

    The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.

  •  
    Joe E. Lewis

    The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.

  •  
    Bette Davis

    Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I'm afraid it did.

  •  
    Buddy Hackett

    As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

  •  
    Winston Churchill

    My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.

  •  
    Jack Benny

    I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

  •  
    Ron White

    The next time you have a thought... let it go.

  •  
    Logan P. Smith

    If you want to be thought a liar, always tell the truth.

  •  
    Johnny Carson

    I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

  •  
    W. C. Fields

    I like children - fried.

  •  
    George Carlin

    Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

  •  
    Johnny Carson

    Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

  •  
    Robin Williams

    If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?

  •  
    Laurence J. Peter

    Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.

  •  
    Natalie Wood

    The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.

  •  
    Lily Tomlin

    If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?

  •  
    Joe Rogan

    That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard.

  •  
    Howard Nemerov

    I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier.

  •  
    Woody Allen

    I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

  •  
    Richard Lewis

    When you're in love it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life.

  •  
    Arnold Schwarzenegger

    It's simple, if it jiggles, it's fat.

  •  
    Josh Billings

    There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.

  •  
    Marcelene Cox

    If at first you don't succeed, blame your parents.

  •  
    E. B. White

    Everything in life is somewhere else, and you get there in a car.

  •  
    James Thurber

    Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.

  •  
    Oliver Herford

    A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often.

  •  
    Alfred Hitchcock

    Television has brought back murder into the home - where it belongs.

  •  
    Mercedes McCambridge

    I'd never been in play long enough for the flowers to die in the dressing room.

  •  
    P. J. O'Rourke

    Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.

  •  
    Johnny Carson

    If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.

  •  
    Fred Allen

    I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

  •  
    Bertrand Russell

    The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.

  •  
    Stephen Fry

    I don't need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.

  •  
    Don Marquis

    Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

  •  
    H. L. Mencken

    It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.

  •  
    Angie Dickinson

    My mother was against me being an actress - until I introduced her to Frank Sinatra.

  •  
    Elayne Boosler

    When the sun comes up, I have morals again.

  •  
    Oscar Levant

    Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.

  •  
    Imelda Marcos

    I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty.

  •  
    Al Gore

    The day I made that statement, about the inventing the internet, I was tired because I'd been up all night inventing the Camcorder.

  •  
    Arnold Schwarzenegger

    I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said, Thyroid problem?

  •  
    Roy Orbison

    I may be a living legend, but that sure don't help when I've got to change a flat tire.

  •  
    Samuel Goldwyn

    I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead.

  •  
    Emo Philips

    I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.

  •  
    Ellen DeGeneres

    My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.

  •  
    Hillary Clinton

    If I want to knock a story off the front page, I just change my hairstyle.

  •  
    Elayne Boosler

    I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me.

  •  
    Robert Orben

    Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.

  •  
    Lewis Mumford

    Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.

  •  
    W. C. Fields

    I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

  •  
    Walt Whitman

    I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends.

  •  
    Henry A. Kissinger

    Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative.

  •  
    Ronald Reagan

    Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours.

  •  
    Casey Stengel

    All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

  •  
    Jerry Seinfeld

    The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

  •  
    David Brenner

    A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children.

  •  
    Tracey Ullman

    As I get older, I just prefer to knit.

  •  
    Jay London

    I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights.

  •  
    Woody Allen

    If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

  •  
    Lily Tomlin

    If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

  •  
    Ruby Wax

    I'm a misplaced American, but don't know where I was misplaced.

  •  
    Josh Billings

    Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.

  •  
    Eddie Izzard

    Never put a sock in a toaster.

  •  
    Mae West

    I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.

  •  
    Lily Tomlin

    I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

  •  
    Mae West

    Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

  •  
    Woody Allen

    I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

  •  
    Douglas Adams

    I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

  •  
    Walt Disney

    I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

  •  
    Richard Lewis

    I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.

  •  
    Joe E. Lewis

    I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

  •  
    Margaret Mead

    Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

  •  
    David Lee Roth

    I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

  •  
    Chevy Chase

    All my children inherited perfect pitch.

  •  
    Zsa Zsa Gabor

    He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.

  •  
    Robert Benchley

    Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?

  •  
    Bob Hope

    If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.

  •  
    Paul Lynde

    I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.

  •  
    H. L. Mencken

    Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.

  •  
    Mitch Hedberg

    My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

  •  
    Laurence J. Peter

    If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

  •  
    Elbert Hubbard

    Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.

  •  
    Henry A. Kissinger

    There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

  •  
    George Burns

    When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

  •  
    Fred Allen

    The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

  •  
    Bill Maher

    Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.

  •  
    Caroline Rhea

    Someone told me that when they go to Vermont, they feel like they're home. I'm that way at Saks.

  •  
    Don Marquis

    A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.

  •  
    Robin Williams

    I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.

  •  
    Milton Berle

    Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

  •  
    Hesiod

    Do not let a flattering woman coax and wheedle you and deceive you; she is after your barn.

  •  
    Groucho Marx

    Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

  •  
    Voltaire

    The superfluous, a very necessary thing.

  •  
    Will Rogers

    I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.

  •  
    Johnny Vegas

    It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether.

  •  
    Phyllis Diller

    Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

  •  
    Rodney Dangerfield

    I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

  •  
    Marilyn vos Savant

    Have enough sense to know, ahead of time, when your skills will not extend to wallpapering.

  •  
    P. J. O'Rourke

    Never fight an inanimate object.

  •  
    Fran Lebowitz

    You're only as good as your last haircut.

  •  
    Rob Corddry

    If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.

  •  
    Paula Poundstone

    I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.

  •  
    Rodney Dangerfield

    I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

  •  
    Steve Martin

    I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.

  •  
    Don Rickles

    Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?

  •  
    Mark Twain

    Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

  •  
    Logan P. Smith

    We need two kinds of acquaintances, one to complain to, while to the others we boast.

  •  
    Chevy Chase

    Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish.

  •  
    Jay London

    My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.

  •  
    P. J. O'Rourke

    Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

  •  
    Mark Twain

    Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

  •  
    George Burns

    If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.

  •  
    Tallulah Bankhead

    If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.

  •  
    Steven Wright

    What's another word for Thesaurus?

  •  
    Mitch Hedberg

    This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... it's dirty.

  •  
    Rita Rudner

    To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior."

  •  
    Alanis Morissette

    We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect.

  •  
    Fred Allen

    I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.

  •  
    Katharine Hepburn

    Life is hard. After all, it kills you.

  •  
    Erma Bombeck

    Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.

  •  
    Bette Davis

    I'd luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.

  •  
    James Brown

    I'm kidding about having only a few dollars. I might have a few dollars more.

  •  
    Frank Lloyd Wright

    TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

  •  
    Will Rogers

    I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.

  •  
    Milton Berle

    You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.

  •  
    W. C. Fields

    I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

  •  
    George Carlin

    Electricity is really just organized lightning.

  •  
    Mark Twain

    All generalizations are false, including this one.

  •  
    Dylan Moran

    I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me.

  •  
    Joey Adams

    Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.

  •  
    Fran Lebowitz

    Polite conversation is rarely either.

  •  
    Mitch Hedberg

    A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

  •  
    George Burns

    Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

  •  
    Steve Martin

    Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!

  •  
    Toni Morrison

    I like marriage. The idea.

  •  
    Kevin Nealon

    A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers.

  •  
    Demetri Martin

    The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

  •  
    Brooke Shields

    Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.

  •  
    Mitch Hedberg

    I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

  •  
    Arnold Schwarzenegger

    I have a love interest in every one of my films: a gun.

  •  
    Herbert Hoover

    All men are equal before fish.

  •  
    Robert Byrne

    Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell.

  •  
    Phyllis Diller

    The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.

  •  
    Lucille Ball

    You see much more of your children once they leave home.

  •  
    Phyllis Diller

    Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

  •  
    Steven Wright

    I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

  •  
    Elayne Boosler

    I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

  •  
    Richard Dawkins

    By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.

  •  
    Red Skelton

    Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

  •  
    Bob Hope

    I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.

  •  
    Robert Benchley

    Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.

  •  
    Tracey Ullman

    I think serial monogamy says it all.

  •  
    Jay Leno

    The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.

  •  
    Fran Lebowitz

    Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

  •  
    Steven Wright

    Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

  •  
    Dennis Miller

    There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.

  •  
    Woody Allen

    My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

  •  
    Laurence J. Peter

    Television has changed the American child from an irresistable force to an immovable object.

  •  
    Rita Rudner

    When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

  •  
    Logan P. Smith

    People say that life is the thing, but I prefer reading.

  •  
    Charles M. Schulz

    I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.

  •  
    Kevin James

    There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap.

  •  
    Billy Connolly

    I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

  •  
    Jimmy Fallon

    The one thing you shouldn't do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere.

  •  
    Billy Connolly

    My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

  •  
    Norman Wisdom

    I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry.

  •  
    Jim Carrey

    Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

  •  
    Josh Billings

    There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory.

  •  
    Spike Milligan

    I can speak Esperanto like a native.

  •  
    Bill Vaughan

    Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.

  •  
    Spike Milligan

    My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.

  •  
    Groucho Marx

    A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

  •  
    Fred Allen

    California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

  •  
    Benjamin Franklin

    Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.

  •  
    Warren Buffett

    I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

  •  
    Paul Lynde

    I wish I had the nerve not to tip.

  •  
    George Bernard Shaw

    A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.

  •  
    Steven Wright

    A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

  •  
    Steven Wright

    I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

  •  
    Thomas Sowell

    It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.

  •  
    Lewis Black

    All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

  •  
    Erma Bombeck

    Never have more children than you have car windows.

  •  
    Luis Bunuel

    Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese.

  •  
    Albert Einstein

    When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.

  •  
    Frank Sinatra

    I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.

  •  
    Bob Hope

    A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

  •  
    Mort Sahl

    My life needs editing.

  •  
    Mike Myers

    My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.

  •  
    Spike Milligan

    A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

  •  
    Joan Rivers

    I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

  •  
    Josh Billings

    Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.

  •  
    Jimmy Durante

    My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.

  •  
    Les Dawson

    I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

  •  
    Jay London

    It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.

  •  
    Eddie Izzard

    I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.

  •  
    P. J. O'Rourke

    Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

  •  
    George Burns

    Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

  •  
    Don Marquis

    Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint.

  •  
    Ronald Reagan

    One picture is worth 1,000 denials.

  •  
    Joan Rivers

    Never floss with a stranger.

  •  
    Lenny Bruce

    Communism is like one big phone company.

  •  
    Margaret Smith

    My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?

  •  
    Rodney Dangerfield

    I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

  •  
    Henny Youngman

    If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

  •  
    Ron White

    I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

  •  
    Ellen DeGeneres

    People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.

  •  
    Robert Benchley

    Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of.

  •  
    Laurence J. Peter

    A man doesn't know what he knows until he knows what he doesn't know.

  •  
    Emo Philips

    I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

  •  
    Groucho Marx

    I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

  •  
    Samuel Butler

    Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.

  •  
    Mitch Hedberg

    I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.

  •  
    Dennis Miller

    I rant, therefore I am.

  •  
    Victor Hugo

    Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.

  •  
    Groucho Marx

    All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

  •  
    David Letterman

    I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host.

  •  
    Lenny Bruce

    Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.

  •  
    Jane Wagner

    When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, we're schizophrenic.

  •  
    George Carlin

    Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

  •  
    Cathy Guisewite

    Defy your own group. Rebel against yourself.

  •  
    George Lopez

    Whoever is my relative, I will not be nice to them.

  •  
    Frank Sinatra

    I'm for whatever gets you through the night.

  •  
    David Brenner

    When I go to a bar, I don't go looking for a girl who knows the capital of Maine.

  •  
    Demetri Martin

    I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says 'go outside.'

  •  
    Jay Leno

    Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.

  •  
    Chris Rock

    There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

  •  
    Joan Rivers

    If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

  •  
    Elayne Boosler

    Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?

  •  
    Fred Allen

    I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.

  •  
    Demetri Martin

    If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat!

  •  
    Bill Cosby

    Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

  •  
    Jerry Seinfeld

    A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

  •  
    Isaac Asimov

    People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

  •  
    Mark Twain

    By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.

  •  
    Hedy Lamarr

    Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.

  •  
    W. Clement Stone

    What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?

  •  
    Lewis Black

    There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

  •  
    Emo Philips

    How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.

  •  
    Erma Bombeck

    A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

  •  
    Dave Barry

    It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

  •  
    Carl Sandburg

    I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way.

  •  
    Helen Rowland

    One man's folly is another man's wife.

  •  
    Cathy Guisewite

    Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major guilt groups.

  •  
    Lana Turner

    A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

  •  
    Yogi Berra

    A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.

  •  
    Yogi Berra

    I never said most of the things I said.

  •  
    Rita Rudner

    In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

  •  
    Hillary Clinton

    I'm undaunted in my quest to amuse myself by constantly changing my hair.

  •  
    Robin Williams

    Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

  •  
    Naguib Mahfouz

    God did not intend religion to be an exercise club.

  •  
    Will Rogers

    I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.

  •  
    Robert Orben

    Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

Learners corner

Learners' Corner

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